Third Time's the Charm

The following is a parody of the story "Hey, You Look Like Jane!" written by Jill Palmer (jill@mail.one.net) which is based on the story "A Meeting of the Brains" and the "Look a Like" series written by Canadibrit (canadibrit@yahoo.com) which is based on the television series "Daria" created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis which was based on a character named Daria created by Glenn Eichler that was shown on the television show "Beavis and Butt-Head" created by Mike Judge for M-TV Networks which was created by a bunch of suits back many *MANY* years ago and is now owned by another bunch of suits at Viacom. Got that? :)

Notes follow the story below. Notes are fun.

EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL. We see a number of students walking up to the building where a large orange banner is draped across the front of it. It reads "Welcome Back Students!". It is the beginning of the new school year.

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. The camera focuses onto the back view of a teenaged girl with dark red hair. She is wearing a green jacket, black pleated skirt, and a pair of heavy boots. A younger male teen shoves his way past the girl. She turns and give an angry glare towards the teen and towards the camera. We now see that she is Daria Morgendorffer, star of stage, screen, and fanfic. She turns back to walk down the hallway and the camera now views her from the front.

Daria: (small sigh) Start of another school year and people already cant see me.

She walks down the hallway towards her locker while having to sidestep a number of other groups of students walking in the opposite direction. She approaches her locker, we see a younger girl with long reddish hair getting books out of her locker. She looks a lot like Quinn but she is wearing different clothes. Instead of her normal short, pink shirt and tight blue jeans, she is wearing a tan t-shirt, camouflage pants, and black hiking boots. Daria does a double take after seeing this girl.

Daria: Hey, Quinn. Almost didn't see you there. Are you hiding out from anyone that I need to know about?

(no answer)

Daria: Hey, Quinn. Better watch out. That outfit isn't going to go over too well with the fashion club. Camouflage went out of style years ago.

(still no answer)

Daria: (who now has an annoyed look on her face) Hey Quinn, this is your *COUSIN* talking to you. You don't have anything to say to me? After you blackmailed me yesterday to our parents, I would think you would be gloating over it.

(The girl finally turns around - it's obviously not Quinn. The t-shirt has a picture of Albert Einstein on the front of it where Quinn's smiley face normally is. The girl has the face of Jane but Daria's glasses.)

Girl: (Looking straight at Daria and speaks with Quinn's voice but in a monotone, non-perky way.) Excuse me?

Daria: (After dropping her book and backpack. A look of horror goes across her face) AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The scene changes to a dark screen. We still hear screaming in the background for a few more seconds. After a beat, the light turns on and we see Daria sitting up in her bed in her room pulling her hand away from the lamp and reaching for her glasses. We can see she is drenched in sweat and breathing hard. She sits there for a second trying to calm down.

Daria: I knew I shouldn't have tried that topping AP suggested to us. Who ever heard of putting chocolate sauce, bananas, and scrambled eggs on pizza. Boy, Jane, Lynn, and Sara will get a kick out of this dream.

Daria pulls out her diary, writes for a few minutes about her dream, puts her diary back under her bed, removes her glasses, turns the light off and drifts back to sleep.

STREET SCENE - NEXT MORNING We see Daria walking down the street. She looks like she didn't get much sleep the night before. She walks along the sidewalk, stops at a driveway, and looks at a house. After a second or two, we hear a house door open, some clothes scraping, and then the door shutting. We hear some heavy footsteps for a few seconds as Daria watches someone off screen. Jane stumbles into the screen bent over. Her hair is a mess and she doesn't look like she has slept much either. She looks at Daria with half closed eyes, makes a small grunt, and then takes a long pull of her coffee cup. I mean a *LONG* pull. Daria has a small smirk on her face watching all this. Jane now lowers her coffee cup, sees it's now empty, chucks it over her shoulder, discovers she has another cup in her other hand, makes a small happy noise, and takes another long pull of her coffee from her second cup.

Daria: Didn't get much sleep last night, did you?

Jane makes a small negative grunt as she continues to chug her coffee.

Daria: That's what you get for reading all that Xena fan fiction all night.

Jane finally lowers her mug, sees that its now empty also, and tosses that over her shoulder also. She slowly straightens up but still stands there completely out of it.

Daria: (slow countdown) 5-4-3-2-1.

Jane's eyes get big all of the sudden as she springs to attention.

Daria: Houston, we have liftoff of the Space Shuttle Lane. She has cleared the tower.

Jane stands there for a second, and then slowly settles into her normal stance. She looks towards Daria, and makes a small grunt in greeting. They start walking down the sidewalk.

Daria: So I take it you didn't sleep well last night?

Jane: (As she begins doing stretches to work out the kinks) Nope, had the weirdest dream and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Daria: Must have been sniffing those paint fumes again, Lane.

Jane: I wish. (beat) I was walking down the hallway to my locker and came up behind this girl with long reddish hair but she was dressed in...

Daria: (interrupting) Camouflage?

Jane comes to a stop and stares at Daria with a major look of shock on her face.

Jane: How did you know?

Daria: I had the same dream. Turned out to be a girl...

Jane: With my face and your glasses?

Daria: And Quinn's hair. (beat) Wasn't that how we met Sara and Lynn?

Jane stands there for a second when a look of recognition comes across her face.

Jane: Say, it was. You thought Sara was me and I thought Lynn was you. (beat) Now this dream is beginning to make sense. We're trying to make sense of how we met each other. (beat) Right?

Daria: I think that has something to do with it but I'm not totally sure yet. Maybe when we talk to Sara and Lynn this morning, they might have some insight to all this.

They start walking again.

Jane: You know we could discuss this in Mr. O'Neil's class. I bet that will set him off again.

Daria: Everything sets him off.

Jane: True, but the four of us really seem to do wonders with his stability.

Daria: It isn't sporting anymore though. All we have to do is look at him and he starts off.

Jane: At least it gives us something to do during his class.

Daria: Well, there is that.

Jane looks off to the side.

Jane: Hey, can we stop off for a cup of coffee at this convenience store? I think I need another one.

INT. LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY. Daria is leaning with her back up against a locker while Jane has her locker open and is working her espresso machine that she has stashed inside.

Daria: One of these days, Lane, we're going to have to talking about this caffeine problem you have.

Jane: (beginning to act like her normal self) Never! (beat) I'm working thru this 27 part Xena fanfic. I finally finished part five last night. Xena goes off and...

Daria: Don't tell me, I'm only on part 3.

Sara and Lynn walk up. Neither one looks that awake. They go past Daria, both making small welcoming grunts, shove Jane out of the way and stand at the espresso machine breathing in the vapors and pouring themselves mugs. They pass mugs to Daria and Jane as they turn around to also lean up against the lockers, take a long sniff of their coffees and start drinking.

Daria: I still cant figure out how you got electricity and water installed into your locker.

Pavlov walks up with an empty mug getting around Sara and Lynn.

Pavlov: (in Russian) Good morning, Jane.

Jane: (also in Russian) Good morning, Pavlov. Thanks again.

Pavlov fills his mug and walks off with a smile.

Jane: Its all in who you know.

Sara and Lynn finally lower their now empty mugs and sigh. They are beginning to look more like their normal selves.

Sara and Lynn together as they stare into their cups: Thank goodness for coffee.

Daria: So, why do the two of you look like something Quinn dragging in after midnight?

Both Sara and Lynn glare at Daria from across the tops of their mugs.

Sara: Funny you mention Quinn.

Lynn: We both had nightmares about her last night.

Jane: See? I keep saying there's something in the water.

As they stand there looking at each other, Quinn comes around the corner with the fashion club. She's dressed just like she was in Daria's dream in a camouflage outfit. The fashion club is dressed as normal.

Quinn: (in a sort of annoyed voice) So there I was reading this month's Waif and they had this article about how camouflage was in this month. But of course I didn't see it was the April fools issue so here I am looking like a fool.

Off screen we hear screams and see coffee mugs being chucked at Quinn.

Quinn: Eww! Coffee stains.

We see our four ladies running down the hallway to get away from Quinn.

*The End*

Notes:

First of all, my thanks to Jill Palmer, SJM, and Canadibrit for them allowing me to use their characters and ideas in my story.

Also thanks to any other fanfic authors that I have not listed and I have swiped ideas from. I've tried to get permission from everyone but some of the ideas that I have swiped, I can't remember where they came from. So please excuse me if I lifted an idea from you and didn't ask first. Drop me a note and I'll do my best to correct it.

How did this come about? Honestly it was from reading Jill's story, "Hey, You look like Jane!" When I first read it, I started to think what would happen if a twin of Quinn came along. Then I started chuckling about how much fun that would be. I swiped some comedy bits from another fanfic that I am currently writing to lengthen this one and here it is.

In case anyone is wondering, it took about 2 hours to write using a text editor called UltraEdit32, a quick trip to the supermarket to give some time to let the story sit here, followed by a fresh reread and edit. I started trying to use a scriptwriter called Hollywood Screenplay but couldnt make heads or tails of it. It was written on February 9th, 2000. More typos corrected on March 4th, 2000.

I'll be starting my own site at http://www.theapparatus.net/public/daria where I'll feature my own works and hopefully others plus a discussion area. Hopefully it will be up by the time you read this. (You should see my to-do list.)

Of couse things have changed now. The site is now at http://www.tdjc.net.

OK, why the parody? To be honest, my main job is doing beta testing for a number of companies and writing these long reports when I find errors in their programs. I don't get a chance to have much fun with those reports. So, here you go. I've got a couple of other ideas kicking around to have fun with. Hopefully others will get a kick out of these. I might do a serious fanfic later on. (Don't hold you breath though)

And, yes, I do know people like Jane who need their coffee in the morning and act the same way. Even the two fisted coffee drinkers.

Any comments, please drop me a line at drmike (at) tdjc.net.

Thanks for reading, Dr Mike