Daria Fanfiction – Top Ten Number 3

Daria from MTV

Daria from MTV

Yes, I wrote another short story collection. Happy now? 🙂

This one features a guest author.


Top Ten Number 3
by
Dr. Mike

 

Number #30

 

It’s not really Daria but…

We start with a blank screen. The round ABC logo fades into view.

Announcer Voice: ABC, the advertising arm of Disney, gives you some of the shows that they have bought recently since they’re too cheap to think up their own.

The Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher logo fades into view replacing the ABC logo.

Announcer Voice: First we brought you Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher.

Int. View: The Politically Incorrect set. Bill Maher is sitting at the head of the group with his legs crossed and playing with a pen like he always does.

Bill Maher: OK, now that we’ve been bought by one of the big three networks and moved from that other network, they tell me that we can still cover nearly any topic we want to. (Beat.) Is it me or do all the female Disney leads have bigger hooters than Snow White did.

The camera view changes to show Larry Flint and Charo are sitting to one side. Flint has a tiger stripped tie while Charo is dressed in a tiger print jump suit.

Larry Flint: Of course, Bill. Pocahontas had a big old pair. That’s what America wants to see nowadays. Bigger breasted cartoon figures. That’s why my magazine’s sales are up over twenty percent in the last five years.

Charo: (She gives that little body shake she does.) Cuchi-Cuchi! (The crowd goes wild.)

The Doug logo fades into view now.

Announcer Voice: Then we bought out Doug created by Jim Jinkins.

Doug, Skeeter, and Patti are standing in front of a movie theater looking at the movie listings.

Doug: Well we can watch Disney’s the Lion King, Disney’s Pocahontas, Disney’s Mulan, Disney’s the Kid, Disney’s Tarzan, Disney’s…

The South Park logo fades into view.

Announcer Voice: South Park we picked up for a dime.

Ext. View: The boys in a line waiting for the school bus. They look uncomfortable.

Stan: Now that we’re on another network, the producers are making us clean up our act.

Kyle: You mean we can’t say [BLEEP]?

Stan: (Sadly.) No, we can’t even call the fat-[BLEEP] a fat-[BLEEP] anymore.

Cartman: Hey! I am not a fat-[BLEEP]. I’m just big boned.

Kyle So what can we do?

Kenny goes into this long bit that we can’t make heads or tails of although the kids can and shocked looks appear on their faces. Once Kenny finishes, the boys look off screen and the camera follows. We see an ABC censor and all he can do is shrug. The camera returns to the boys and they sigh as a group. Cartman’s face flashes with a smile and he pulls out a Tarzan action figure.

Kyle: Hey fatso, what are you doing with that doll?

Cartman: Hey! It’s not a doll. It’s an action figure from the latest Disney movie, Tarzan.

Stan: Tarzan? What are you doing with something from that movie?

Kenny goes into another bit and we can sort of make out the words ‘Pocahontas’ and ‘pair.’ They turn as a group and we get to see the ABC censor shrug again.

Cartman: And it’s got this nifty spear launcher.

Cartman shoots Tarzan’s spear shooting Kenny in the head. He collapses and blood starts pouring out. The boys looked shocked.

Kyle: Oh my [BLEEP], you [BLEEP] Kenny!

Stan: You [BLEEP]ard!

The boys stand there blinking at us trying to figure how what to make of that. Blood continues to pour from Kenny’s wound and the mice quickly approach.

Cartman: Well that s[BLEEP]ed!

The Sabrina, the Teenage Witch logo fades in on the screen now.

Announcer Voice: We bring you one of the best television show on the air, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

We go to a blank screen.

An off screen voice: Hey, we lost that one to the WB!

Announcer Voice: We did? Well it must not have been that good then. Now, ABC brings you the best show money can buy!

We see the Daria logo with the theme music from the show slightly out of tune.

Ext. View: Daria and Jane walking to school with their backpacks over their shoulders. They don’t say a word for quite a while.

Jane: (Deadpan.) So, did you enjoy good movie night last night?

Daria: (A raised eyebrow.) *Good* movie night, huh? (Also in a deadpan.) Yes, I did. Disney sure makes a great movie. Tarzan will certain win many Oscars and Emmies this year. (Beat.) By golly.

They continue on in silence. They turn into Lawndale High’s parking lot. All of the students are wearing tiger skinned clothing. Kevin gives a pathetic Tarzan yell. Daria and Jane just look at one another and walk away.

 


 

Number #29

From:
Skippy, Psychic Refugee…

 

Jane walks up to Daria’s locker, Daria is retrieving some books.

Jane: Hey.

Daria: Hey.

Jane looks at her lovingly and her head moves toward Daria’s, Daria’s head moves accordingly as they move in for the….

Jane: (Points.) You have a little spinach in your teeth.

Daria: (Picks at it.) Oh, thanks.

Daria and Jane walk to class.

 


 

Number #28

 

My thanks to Canadibrit for this idea.

 

Ext. View: Daria walking down the sidewalk, her book bag swung over her shoulder. She looks straight into the camera.

Daria: (Completely deadpan.) Oh look. Another coffee scene from Dr. Mike. How original. What will he think of next? At least he pays for adlibs.

She stops on the sidewalk and turns slightly to her left.

Daria: First he used it as a running gag. I think he’s now using them as filler space.

She stands there waiting for a few minutes, checking her watch every once in a while. Her face begins to show concern.

Daria: This is strange. Where’s Jane?

She waits for a few more seconds and them with a sigh, walks out of the shot to the side.

Int. View: The Lane’s Livingroom. The front door opens and Daria pokes her head in.

Daria: Hello? (Beat.) Jane? (Another beat.) Anyone home?

A slight grunt comes from the kitchen. Daria enters the house fully with a complex look on her face. Another grunt is heard along with some mumbling. Daria drops her bookbag by the front door and walks to the kitchen.

Int. View: The Lane kitchen. Jane is sitting at the kitchen table barely awake. A row of coffee mugs, all different, sits in front of her on the table. Trent, with a coffee pot in each hand, is going down the row filling each mug. Jane sways slightly as the steam from the coffee drifts upward and she breathes in the fumes. Trent turns around and is slightly surprised by Daria’s presence.

Trent: Hey Daria.

Daria: Hey. What’s with all the mugs?

Trent: Jane will be along in a minute. She hasn’t had her morning coffee yet.

Daria: (She picks up the first mug in the row to look at it. It’s a smiley face mug.) But why are they in a line…

Interrupting Daria, Jane grabs the first mug out of Daria hands and downs it. When finished, she slams it against the table and starts working on the second mug. She works her way down the row under the amused gaze of Trent and the shocked look of Daria. Jane finishes the row in under a minute and slams down the last mug hard on the table.

Trent: Jane, what did I tell you about slamming the mugs. Mom and Dad collect those mugs from around the world. I don’t think they would be very happy to find them broken.

Jane: I doubt they’ll even remember they went to (She picks up the mug to look at it closely.) Paris Hill, Maine and the Hannibal Hamlin Museum and Library. (She places the mug back on the table and, noticing Daria, retrieves her bookbag and stands.) Ready for school?

Daria: Um, yes.

A very surprised Daria follows a very much awake Jane out of the Lane house.

 


 

Number #27

 

Ext. View: Lawndale High School. A sign draped across the school sign says “SAT Testing Center.” Large numbers of students are walking into the school.

Int. View: A hallway within Lawndale High. Jane is at her locker pouring herself some coffee from her coffee machine. A very abused Daria, covered in mud, slowly stumbles into view and stops beside Jane’s locker. Jane shuts the locker’s door, turns to the left, and discovers Daria. Of course she is shocked at how Daria looks.

Jane: Whoa! What happened to you? (She hands Daria the mug of coffee.)

Daria: (After taking a sip of coffee.) Ever have one of those really really bad days? I’m having one. Let me tell you about it.

Beavis and Butthead slide across the screen going from right to left making wavy motions with their arms.

Beavis and Butthead together: Heh heh. Heh heh.

The screen goes through a flashback fadeout. Int. View: Daria’s bedroom. She is bundled underneath the covers. Her alarm clock starts ringing and she rolls over to ignore it.

Daria: Quinn had her fashion club over the night before hand so I couldn’t get any sleep. I had some problems with the alarm clock when it went off this morning.

Daria reaches back with a hand, picks up the clock after a few attempts and smashes it against the end table. It won’t stop ringing. She then picks it up and throws it against the far wall. We hear glass breaking. Daria sits up and attempts to look at the damage as a few leaves blow through the now broken window.

Int. View: The bathroom in front of the shower. Daria walks into view and turns her back to us. The camera pulls into a head and shoulders shot as she strips off her clothing and steps around the curtain. She reaches down and turns on the water. She relaxes under the heat as she begins to wash herself.

Daria: After covering up the window with some cardboard and then bandaging myself up, I then went to take a shower. I guess I was the last one in there this morning.

The water quickly turns to ice cold as Daria is surprised by it. No matter how much Daria messes with the dials, she gets nothing but cold. She gives the water nozzle a dirty look but begins to bathe.

Int. View: The Morgendorffer Kitchen. The whole family is sitting there eating breakfast. Daria stumbles in shivering, makes a face at Quinn and heads to the coffee pot. She has a sterile pad over the back of her left hand.

Daria: After taking an ice cold shower, I went down to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. That didn’t go well either.

Int. View: A close up shot of Daria near the coffee pot. She pulls down a mug from the cupboard over her head and pours herself a mug. As she replaces the pot, Jake reaches in and snatches it. Daria returns to discover her mug now gone. She shoots her father a dirty look as she pulls down another mug and fills it. As she replaces the pot, Helen reaches in and snatches this mug. Daria looks back and gives Helen a dirty look also. After pulling down another mug, she starts to fill it just as she begins to yawn. She doesn’t see that the mug is upside down and coffee spills all over the kitchen counter onto the floor. She finishes her yawn and looks at the mess she made on the floor and on her clothing. As she cleans up, Quinn reaches in, rights the mug and pours herself a mug of coffee. Daria finishes and looks around to see where her mug as gone to. She sighs and reaches up to get another mug. She begins to pour but is only able to get a few drops of coffee from the pot. It is now empty. Daria sighs again and begins to make herself a fresh pot.

Ext. View: An empty sidewalk seen from the side.

Daria: After finally getting a cup of coffee, my whole family had already left for the day so I had to walk to school. Even that didn’t go well.

Daria runs across the screen now dressed in her black tee shirt and jeans, followed by a pack of neighborhood dogs barking at her.

Ext. View: A street corner. Daria slowly jogs into view, stopping at the corner, breathing hard. She rests her hands on her knees trying to catch her breath. She notices that a dog has taken a bite out of her pants legs. She stands with a “Why me?” look on her face.

Daria: After I lost the dog pack and noticed they had taken a bite out of my pants leg, I tried to cross Main Street. Someone else was also in a hurry.

She stands there for another few seconds finally getting her breath under control. She looks up at the light and then to see if there’s any traffic. As she takes a step into the street, a car engine is heard revving its motor as it goes flying by hitting a puddle. Daria is covered from head to toe in brown mud. She stand there and tries to shake it off.

Ext. View: Outside of the school. Daria was able to wipe most of the mud off of her but people still look at her. She walks up to a door and pulls hard. It doesn’t open.

Daria: I was able to get most of the mud off of me but I still felt like I needed another shower. I made it to the school without any more problems. I had some problems getting into the building though.

The door is locked. A bunch of students are entering the school from another door 30 yards away. Daria walks over to that door to discover that it is now locked as well. Students begin leaving from the first door. Daria makes it back to the first door just as it closes and locks. Students begin to file in and out of the second door as Daria begins to walk back.

Int. View: Back in the hallway. Jane is staring open mouthed at Daria.

Daria: And here I am.

Jane: Damn…

The loudspeaker begins to crackle.

Ms. Li: Students, the SAT testing is about to begin. Please report to your assigned rooms. And remember. Your perfect scores will being honor to LAWNdale High.

Daria: Off once again to the salt mines.

Daria and Jane head off in separate directions.

The scene changes to a classroom. The shots go back and forth from a wall clock to Daria taking her test. At first she isn’t doing well and is uncomfortable looking. As time passes, he begins to build her confidence. At the end of the test, she closes her book with a smirk.

Ext. View: Daria and Jane leaving the school. Daria has a happy little smirk on her face.

Jane: Well from your expression, I take it the test went well?

Daria: Very well. At least something today has gone right.

They pass Mr. DeMartino loading a bunch of boxes labeled ‘SATs’ on the side. He slams the door shut and the truck pulls off. He waits at the end of the driveway waiting to pull into traffic.

Daria: Four years of hard work will finally pay off.

The truck pulls into traffic. We hear a horn and the loud squeal of breaks as the same car from beforehand plows into the side of the truck turning it on its side. The back door becomes unlatched, the boxes fall out and burst open, and the papers begin to float away. Daria and Jane stand there looking at each other.

Jane: I think you should have stayed in bed this morning.

They walk off as the driver and DeMartino try to gather up all of the tests. We can tell some of them have floated away out of their reach.

 


 

Number #26

 

The real reason why Tom got a new car on the show.

 

Int. View: Backstage at the MTV Daria sound stage. Everything in the shot is “Real Life” while the cartoon Daria sits in a tall director’s chair flipping through a script and sipping a Caribou coffee. Jane walks into the shot with a Starbucks coffee and a box of Dunkin” Donuts. She smirks slightly at Daria and starts waving the doughnuts under her nose.

Daria: (Not looking up.) Yes, Jane. I know that they’re stale.

Jane: They’re always stale. You would think that a big corporation like Viacom would be able to get us fresh doughnuts.

Daria: Take it up with your agent. He seems to be able to always get what you want.

Jane sighs as she climbs into the other director’s chair. She opens the box and pulls out a chocolate frosted.

Jane: Would you believe I have?

Daria finally looks up, reaches over and pulls out a sugar sprinkle chocolate cake doughnut. She makes a face after biting into it.

Daria: Damn, these are stale. Did we get day olds from the Tom Green show again or are these left overs from the movie shoot?

Jane: Probably the Tom Green show. At least they don’t have mold on them like that batch we got last week.

They sit there and munch on their doughnuts for a bit.

Jane: So how is your contract negotiation going?

Daria: Same crap as last year. Yours?

Jane: Yea, the same. You would think they would take the work that we do more seriously.

Daria nods as they go back to their doughnuts. Jane looks like she trying to decide on something.

Jane: (Looking at her shoes.) So what did you think about the script read through this morning?

Daria: (She flips the script closed and looks at the cover.) It’s alright…

Jane: (Gathering her courage.) Alright Daria. What did I do to piss you off?

Daria: (She looks up in surprise.) Excuse me?

Jane: Well the writers have written the break up of Tom and me, you screw up my hair coloring job, I spend the end of the season and the movie being mad at you and you wind up making out with Tom in the front seat of his car. Either Glenn and the writers have been reading fanfics on the net again or… (Beat.) you’re annoyed at me for doing something wrong.

Daria: (Shocked just a little more.) Excuse me?

Jane: Oh come off it, Daria. You can tell me. I can take it. (Beat and then in a quiet voice.) If you want me to pack my things in my dressing room, it will only take me five minutes.

Daria just stares in shock at Jane who lowers her head not wanting to look at Daria.

Daria: Excuse me?

Jane lifts her head up to look at Daria. She’s almost in tears.

Daria: Jane, I’m not mad at you.

Jane: You’re not?

Daria: Of course not. How could I be mad at you? I mean you’re my best friend. I can’t believe you would even think like that.

Jane: Well that’s good. (She sits up straight but then realizes.) Then what the hell is going on?

Daria: I don’t have a clue either. What does you agent say about the show?

Jane: That they’re trying to take the show in a different direction. Yours?

Daria: Same thing.

Jane: Remember that fanfic I showed you a few months back?

Daria: (Smirks.) Which one? You only show me the ones which you have a big part in.

Jane: That one about waiting for the script read in the parking lot. By that Crazy Chemical-Brit guy…

Daria: I think that one was done by the doctor writer.

Jane: Whatever. Anyway he wrote about that Mary Sue character being a cousin of Glenn. Now we know Tom is a nephew of Glenn’s. You don’t think…

Daria: Nah, they wouldn’t do anything like that. (Jane just stares at Daria and nods her head.) Would they?

Ext. View: The parking lot. Tom’s blue piece of crap car is sitting in a space all by itself. We hear a click and the car explodes into a million pieces sending a fireball into the sky. The camera slides to show Jane holding a remote control with Daria standing beside her.

Daria: But just to be on the safe side.

They turn and walk back into the sound stage, Jane tossing the remote into a convenient trash can.

 


 

Number #25

 

Int. View: Jane’s room. Jane is lying on the bed in the “Something’s eating at her soul” pose while Daria sits in a chair a little ways from the bed. She holds a video camera in her lap, pointed at Jane. We can see the little red light blinking on the top of it as it records Jane.

Jane: (She covers her face with her hands.) I can’t believe you talked me into this.

Daria: You’re the one who came up with this idea for Mr. O’Neil’s multimedia project.

Jane: (Her face is still covered.) I had to show you that damn, damn movie for bad movie night.

Daria: I thought “Sex, Lies, and Videotapes” was a good pick. (Beat.) I do think it went over the band’s head though.

Jane: (She finally removes her hands.) Trent followed me around for the next three days. (Beat.) And he hid the vacuum clearer on me.

Daria: (Smirking.) You could have always come over and borrowed ours. I’m sure my parents wouldn’t have minded.

Jane: (She looks at Daria in disgust.) That’s sick!

Daria: The vacuum cleaner as a sex toy? Doing it upright with the upright. Next on Sick Sad World.

Jane: (Makes an ever bigger disgusted face.) Daria, I never knew you had it in you to come up with something like that. (Beat and then she begins to get off the bed.) Maybe you should be the one sitting on the bed and I should do the taping.

Daria: (She puts a hand out to stop Jane.) No, that’s fine.

 

(Maybe someone can finish that one for me…)


 

Number #24

 

We start with an outside shot of the Lane house. It’s thundering and raining hard. Branches blow by in the wind.

The scene changes to show the bathroom with the water running in the shower. The camera pans along the floor to show Daria’s clothing in a muddy heap.

The thunder and lighting go off as we see an outline of Jane against the wall climbing the stairs to the second floor.

The camera in the bathroom continues to pan across the bathroom. We come to a rest on the toilet. A towel sits folded on top. We begin to hear Daria humming something from the shower.

The lighting goes off again as the watch the shadow of Jane climb the stairs slowly. She holds something long and pointed in her hand.

Daria stops to listen for a second, shrugs and resumes her shower.

The shadow of Jane stops at the bathroom door. We can hear the running water in the background. A real hand reaches out, turns the handle, and opens the door. We slowly walk into the bathroom.

Daria pauses again.

We slowly walk across the bathroom, the shadow of Jane and the object in her hand fall across the bathroom wall. She stop at the shower and as Jane reaches out a hand, Daria pulls aside the curtain partly. She squints to see who it is and relaxes when she discovers that it is Jane.

Jane stands there holding a bath brush, handle pointed towards the shower.

Jane: I was cutting carrots for the stew when I remembered that I was using the back brush for a painting. (She now hands the brush to Daria.)

Daria: (Taking the brush.) Um, thanks.

Jane: (She turns to leave, stops and points to the still open bathroom door.) Oh, Trent wants to know how long you’re going to be. He wants to take a shower as well.

Daria looks up, squints again at Trent standing in the doorway.

Daria: Oh, shi… (She pulls the shower curtain closed abruptly.)

Jane looks at the camera and smirks while we hear Daria in the shower grumbling.

 


 

Number #23

 

How I would finish the show off.

 

We see the outside of Lawndale High School. Balloons and banners are all over the school. The scene changes to show the football field. We arrive during graduation. Daria and Jane stand side by side. Helen stands in front taking loads of pictures.

Daria: Mom, don’t you think you’ve taken enough pictures?

Jane: Oh, I don’t think so. (She wraps an arm around Daria, smiles, and lifts rabbit ears behind Daria’s head while Helen takes one last picture.)

Daria: I still can’t believe Ms. Li let you get away with that design for the graduation robes.

Jane: (Removing her arm.) I read about the idea in a story on the net.

Daria: Well from judging by the mindless drones we have as graduates, I think they get the idea.

Jane: We finally get away from these crazed teachers

Daria: And deal with the crazed professors with Ph.D.’s

Jane: So, now that high school is finished…

Daria: And college hasn’t started yet…

Jane: What are you going to do?

Daria: Um, I’m going to Disney World?

Jane: Not in this universe. (Beat.) You still having those dreams about people watching your every move?

Daria: Um, yes.

Jane: So, if thousands of people were really watching your every move, how would you go out?

Daria stands there and thinks for a second. A small grin appears on her face.

Daria: I’ll be right back.

The camera follows Daria as she walks through the crowd. She comes up to Kevin and Brittany.

Daria: Hey Brittany.

Daria walks up to Brittany, grabs her, and plants one full on the mouth. Jane walks up to stand behind a very shocked Kevin.

Jane: (As Daria dips Brittany.) They’ll be talking about this one for years.

 


 

Number #22

 

And I only changed a few words…

 

We start with Beavis and ButtHead standing side by side on a movie back lot.

Beavis: We need a chick.

ButtHead: Yeah. Yeah.

Beavis: Huh huh.

ButtHead: We need a chick who’s cool.

Beavis: Yeah.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: Huh huh. Yeah. A chick who doesn’t suck.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: Uh, no. Wait a minute. Huh huh. That’s not what I meant.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: We need a chick that’s got tatoos on her back.

ButtHead: Yeah. Yeah. Huh huh.

Beavis: Huh huh.

ButtHead: We need one of those chicks.

Beavis: Yeah. Huh huh.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: And like. A chick who’s like, you know, been around the block.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: Huh huh.

ButtHead: Yeah. Yeah. Like a chick who’s older. Who’s like, huh huh, done it a lot of times.

Beavis: Yeah. Huh huh.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: We need a chick who’s gone with some dork.

ButtHead: Huh huh.

Beavis: And now like she’s all wild and stuff.

Butthead: Huh huh. Huh huh.

Beavis: Huh huh. Huh huh.

The camera pans over from the two laughing (if you can call it that.) their heads off over to Lynn standing there, her arms folded, watching the scene. She turns to the camera and raises an eyebrow.

Lynn: No, I’m not breaking out in song. (Beat.) Or wearing the costume from the video.

 


 

Number #21

 

We fade into the front office of MTV Animation. Large, framed pictures of the casts of all their shows hang on the walls with the exception of the Daria cast. An elderly receptionist sits at her desk, polishing her glasses, as she talks on the phone. Bright sunlight filters in thru a window behind her.

The receptionist: Yes, we planning a surprise 24 hour marathon of all of the Daria episodes right before showing the second Daria movie. We plan to spring it on them when they arrive to day for the cast meeting. (Another line rings.) I have another call. Bye now. (She presses a button on the phone.) MTV Animation. How may I direct your call? (Beat.) Oh, hello Miss Morgandorffer. How are you today?

Quinn: (A close up shot of her talking on her cell phone.) Not too well, Mrs. Natasha. In fact I’m feeling a little (A yellow dress is shoved into her vision.) yellow, I mean green. Please tell Glenn I won’t be in today.

Mrs. Natasha: I’m sorry to hear that. Be sure to drink lots of fluids. I’m sure you have what the rest of the Fashion Club has.

Mrs. Natasha disconnects the call. The view changes back to the close up of Quinn who is flipping closed her cell phone. The camera pulls back to show her and the rest of the fashion club standing in front of Macy’s.

Sandi: It’s yellow. You know how much I hate yellow. (She shoves the dress back into a bag.)

Quinn: I told you it would work.

Tiffany: Playing… hooky… from… work… Cool.

The walk into the mall. We return to Mrs. Natasha with her now busy phone system.

Mrs. Natasha: MTV Animation. (Beat.) Oh, hello Daria. (Beat.) A business meeting? I’ll be sure to leave Glenn a message.

We see Daria hanging up her phone. She turns to a smiling Jane. They move closer.

Jane: You still have that spinach in your teeth.

Daria: (Rubbing her teeth.) Damn it.

Mrs. Natasha: Yes, Mr. Lane? (Beat.) You want a wake up call for tommorow morning? (Beat.) But what about today? (Beat. She starts to shake her head and frown.) Oh, you had a late practice?

Mrs. Natasha: Yes, Kevin? (Beat.) You lost your keys to your jeep? (Beat.) Don’t we send a car for you every morning?

Mrs. Natasha: You’re attending anger managerment classes today, Mr. Morgandorffer? (Beat.) With Mr. DeMartino? (She shrugs.) I don’t see any problem with that.

Mrs. Natasha: No, sir. You can’t call in sick. (Beat.) Because you no longer have a show here, Mr. ButtHead. (Beat.) No, I’m not going to tell you what I’m wearing. (She disconnects the line in a hurry.)

Mrs. Natasha: Hair twirling lessions? (Beat.) Brittany, if you haven’t learned it yet after five seasons, why do you think you’re going to get it now?

Mrs. Natasha: (She’s now holding a different phone up to her ear and trying to speak over the constant ringing of her switchboard.) Programming? (Beat.) Tell Glenn we have a problem.

A close up of a television set. The MTV logo fades into the Daria logo. We hear the ‘La-la’s in the background.

Announcer: We now return to a very special episode of Daria.

We see William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy walking down the street. Shatner’s dressed as Daria complete with wig while Nimoy is dressed as Jane except her coat is blue instead of red. They walk in silence for a bit.

Shatner: I can’t believe they wouldn’t even give me a phaser.

Nimoy: It was the Stick Modified 2000, um, Daria. A glue gun, not a phaser.

They continue on silence.

 


 

Number #20

 

OK, you get eleven this time.

 

The camera slowly drifts thru a small, neat, one room apartment. A sealed bottle of Jack Daniels sits on an end table near a comfortable chair in the middle of the room. A cat sleeps on the chair. The camera continues to drift until it stops at the front door. The five locks unlock one at a time until Angela Li shoves the door open with a foot. She drops her armful of groceries onto the counter in her small kitchen as she turns on the light. The cat awakes at the light, stretches and meows in greeting. Angela reaches the cat and lifts it into her arms. She absently pets it as she collapses into the chair, kicks off her shoes and puts her feet up. Her eyes spy the unopened bottle on the nearby table. She unseals the bottle, downs a sizable portion directly from it, and leans back in the chair. The school board laughed at her security recommendations a few hours ago plus that damn Morgendorffer woman was causing problems again. Couldn’t they all just understand she was trying to protect her students so they could get their education? She closed her eyes, took another swig, and sighed. She knew the nightmares would start soon. They always did…

A voice: Angela. Angela. Where are you this time?

The scene drifts out of focus. We refocus on a very young Angela Li sitting on a small hillside reading from a book. A young, slightly overweight, out of breath boy slowly climbs up the hillside. He collapses beside Angela.

Angela: (She continues to read.) Have a nice walk, Adam?

Adam: (He’s not even trying to lift his head.) Only you would find a reading place five miles from home.

Angela: Actually it’s about a half a mile from the village. (She pauses to look down at Adam and returns to her reading with a smirk.) Maybe a few more walks would do you some good.

Adam: You know what Daniel said about you coming out here with all the trouble across the valley. (He finally lifts his head to look at Angela’s book.) What are you reading?

Angela: Dickens. The American missionary left it last month.

Adam: (He takes a closer look at a book sitting beside her.) Shakespeare?

Angela: He wrote about English kings that go crazy.

Adam: Figures. (He drops the book.) Daniel said he wants you to come home. It’s almost dinner time.

Angela: (She closes the book with a sigh.) I guess the Third Ghost will have to wait. (She gathers up her books and begins her hike home.) Aren’t you coming, Adam?

Adam slowly climbs to his feet and follows after his sister.

Adam and Angela walk into the village.

Adam: I don’t understand why you have to go off to read. Why can’t you read here in the village?

Angela: Because Daniel will find something for me to do if he sees me reading.

A high pitched scream is heard in the distance.

Adam: (Looking off into the distance.) Sounds like they’re at it again in the valley.

Angela: (Also looking off.) I heard the village elders talking about what would happen if they came down to the village.

Another high pitched scream is heard closer this time.

Angela: That sounded close.

Adam: Angela, I’m scared.

Angela: (She grabs Adam’s hand.) Everything will be fine.

Another high pitched scream is heard, this one closer than before. Adam looks up with a scared look on his face and shoves Angela to the ground out of screen. A bomb explodes near by throwing dirt over the two.

Angela climbs to her feet with a cough still holding Adam’s hand.

Angela: We’ve got to get home, Adam. (Another cough.) Adam?

She looks down at her hand and her eyes go wide. Adam’s hand ends at the wrist in a bloody mess with a chunk of bone protruding out. Her eyes widen at the ten foot crater where Adam was. Mortor shells begin to fall in the village. A hut explodes into flame from a shell. A person unrecognizable from the flames covering their body runs out of another hut.

Daniel: (Off screen screaming at the top of his lungs.) Angela?!? Adam?!?

Angela can do nothing but stare at the hunk of meat that used to be her brother. Another hut explodes behind her as her older brother runs up behind her.

Daniel: Angela, where’s Adam?

Angela, still in shock, can do little but turn to Daniel and hold up her hand. He stares at the bloody mess, realization coming to him after a few seconds. His look of horror disappears as gunshots are heard from across the village. He turns as Viet Cong members rush into the village fully armed. A soldier pauses to raise his weapon and fire into the prone figure of a mother trying to protect her baby.

Daniel: Angela, we’ve to get out of here.

A shadow passes over them as they look up at it. Four Marine Hueyes pass over the village at tree top level. They hover over the rice pads at the edge of the village as Marines jump from the open doors. A few beckon the villages to the choppers.

Daniel: (He graps the remains of Adam out of Angela’s hand and throws it to the ground.) We have to make it to the helicopter. (Angela just stands there in shock. Daniel grabs her and shoves her toward the waiting birds.) Come on.

Marines shove villagers aboard an empty Huey. The pilot increases power as he lifts his bird off the ground. He turns to the south just a a rocket grenade explores against the rear rotor. The chopter does a tail spin and crashes into the ground in a fireball. Daniel turns to his right as a Viet Cong soldier lowers his now empty launcher. A near by Marine lifts his rifle and ends the life of the attacker. Daniel grabs Angela and drags her towards another waiting chopter.

They, along with some of their fellow villagers, run across a rice patty. A fire fight breaks out between the Marines on one side and the Viet Cong on the other. Some of the villagers along with the soldiers go down from the gunfire. Daniel spins and falls to the ground. Angela stops and turns to him. He gains his feet, a smear of blood across his forehead.

Daniel, with one last burst of strength shoves Angela into the waiting arms of someone on the helicopter. A smile appears on Daniel’s bloodied face as he knows Angela has made it to safety. The smile is cut short as bullets find his body. His eyes remain on the helicopter for an additional few seconds until he slumps to the ground, dead.

Angela looks out of the helicopter in horror as it lifts off from the ground. Viet Cong members rush across the field stopping to loot the bodies. One pauses at Daniel’s body, yanks his head up, and then pumps a few extra bullets into the body. Some of the soldiers notice the departing helicopter and fire after it. Angela, now crying uncontrollably, is pulled back from the open door of the helicopter by the Marine and away from the ricocheting bullets. She buries her head into the Marine’s shirt, her tears almost obscuring the ‘DeMartino’ name strip.

 


 


 

Notes

 

No real notes here this time. Maybe someone will get an idea from #25 and finish it for me. Number 20, my suggestion for the basis of Miss. Li, was going to be a part of ‘Cynic in the Hood.’ I’ve put that story on the back burner.

Comments? Drop me a note.

Feel free to visit my Daria site.

What’s next? Well, I’m trying to finish Cynic Hood. I also would like to finish the Jungle series someday.

Thanks for reading.

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