Three Hundred Reasons Why We’ll Never Write for MTV


Another short rewrite based on the Daria show. This time, Daria and Quinn are Klingons.

K’Wenn and K’Doria looked around the room. The others stayed their
distance. They had both accepted their invitations to Britany’s party
with distained.

“Think we’ll find any of these hu-mans worthy to mate with us tonight, blood sister?”

“I doubt it, K’Wenn. Last time I tried to mate with two of these so called males was back in Highland. I *hurt* them.”

“You speak of those two idiots? The ones that smelled of Baktag?”

“Of course.”

“I always wondered why their heads looked like that.”

Charles approached. He put on his best smile. Charles had spent the
day at his local charity doing good deeds as he always did. Before
coming to this lively outing, he had spent an hour studying his
favorite book, his bible.

“Chuck Ruttheimer, here. And you are…?” He offered a hand in
greeting. The two girls looked at the offered hand. There was no weapon
in it. What was he doing sticking it out like that. Charles continued.
“I’ll be your social director for the evening. Would you ladies like a
tour of the house? It’s free.”

The two girls looked at one another and smirked. K’Wenn ran a hand
lightly over his chest while K’Doria approached from the other side.
They each made a circle around him. Charles felt like he was being

“Tell me, Chuck. Do you accept… tips?”

Charles did not know what to say. There was something about these two girls that…

He couldn’t put his finger on it. He swallowed with a suddenly dry
mouth. Charles decided to act like the gentleman that he always was.
“But… But of course.”

K’Doria and K’Wenn smiled at one another.

Three hours later, the party guests dove out of the way as Charles
came bursting out of the landry room, naked, leaned over the banister,
and threw up the contents of his stomache all over the guests below.
K’Doria and K’Wenn emerged from the room behind him, fully clothed.
Charles slowly slid to the floor in a faint.

“Well, I guess that if that’s the best you can do.”

“Come along, K’Wenn. I guess we’ve worn out Upchuck.” K’Doria
smirked at her own joke. She’ll have to remember to use that nickname
on him from now on.

“Pity that these humans can only last a few times. Maybe we’ll do better with the football team.”

One thought on “Three Hundred Reasons Why We’ll Never Write for MTV

  1. Daria and Star Trek

    A long long time ago in a galaxy far far away I used to write Daria fanfiction.  There’s some stuff that I would love to finish some day.  And there’s some stuff that I wonder why I even wrote….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *